you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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