After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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