As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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