My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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