Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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