Swine flu. Run for my life!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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