Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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