Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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