my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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