I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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