Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize