I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
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aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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