If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize