it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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