So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
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She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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