i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
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Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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