Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
4 words: hood of his car
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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