dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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