My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I party with great urgency now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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