So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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