how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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