maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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