I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize