i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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