remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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