He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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