It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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