"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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