I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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