hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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