well I can't set my house on fire every night
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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