about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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