Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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