thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize