On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize