last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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