dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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