I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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