I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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