Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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