I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize