Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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