It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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