Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There r osticjed everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize