I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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