I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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