this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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