I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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