I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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