Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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